Saturday, August 16, 2008


I'm waiting to wake up as a completely different person. Well, maybe not completely different, but at least noticeably different. I'm now 20 weeks pregnant. Half-way there. Definitely a mother now, but I still don't pick up my dirty clothes, or put away my shoes every day in a neatly organized closet. My garden is a mess, I'm sure the neighbors hate me. I don't weed or sew. I have baby stuff in storage bins, and no "nursery" to speak of.

So, when does this magically change? Shouldn't I be my mother by now? I want to calmly and peacefully manage every day. I want to clean up after myself, find a hobby, talk to friends and relatives, feed myself and my family a healthy home-cooked meal, and retire to a neatly made bed with a Jane Austen book. I want an effortless-looking, but actually meticulously cared for, front garden. I want the t shirts that I fold to stay wrinkle free.

Instead.. I haven't made it off the sofa much today except to pee every 10 minutes. The egg pan is still sitting on the stove, and I can see the weeds in my front garden from here. I could put together another dog with all the dog hair that's drifting across the un-mopped hardwoods. The bags from yesterday's garage sales are still full and sitting in the kitchen, exactly where I set them upon walking into the house.. on the way to the couch.

I can't believe "they" are going to let me bring a child home. In about 20 weeks.


Maggie, Dammit said...

"They" are idiots about a lot of things, but not about this. I shiver to think of the mother you'll make.

And this reminds me, I have stuff for you. Like a sling, and "my breast friend" (don't ask), and a ton of the best board books you ever read.

The biggest lesson to learn is that you're still you. I don't know how you learn it, or when, but you will.

Peg said...

Hey, I've got stuff for you, too, like a jogging stroller if you want it- needs a little air in the tires--, but advice? "expertise"? experience? I agree with Maggie, you'll be a better mom than "they" could ever imagine and as for picking up and cleaning up, it's overrated. You will do everything that really needs to be done and you'll do it exceedingly well. Of that I am certain.

Anonymous said...

But don't expect to be as good as I, because that my dear, is an impossible mission. And will only lead to feelings of failure and defeat. ;-) I'm glad I'm not the only one with un-mopped hardwoods.
Love you! Beck