I'm waiting to wake up as a completely different person. Well, maybe not completely different, but at least noticeably different. I'm now 20 weeks pregnant. Half-way there. Definitely a mother now, but I still don't pick up my dirty clothes, or put away my shoes every day in a neatly organized closet. My garden is a mess, I'm sure the neighbors hate me. I don't weed or sew. I have baby stuff in storage bins, and no "nursery" to speak of.
So, when does this magically change? Shouldn't I be my mother by now? I want to calmly and peacefully manage every day. I want to clean up after myself, find a hobby, talk to friends and relatives, feed myself and my family a healthy home-cooked meal, and retire to a neatly made bed with a Jane Austen book. I want an effortless-looking, but actually meticulously cared for, front garden. I want the t shirts that I fold to stay wrinkle free.
Instead.. I haven't made it off the sofa much today except to pee every 10 minutes. The egg pan is still sitting on the stove, and I can see the weeds in my front garden from here. I could put together another dog with all the dog hair that's drifting across the un-mopped hardwoods. The bags from yesterday's garage sales are still full and sitting in the kitchen, exactly where I set them upon walking into the house.. on the way to the couch.
I can't believe "they" are going to let me bring a child home. In about 20 weeks.