Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Post-modern bride

So, I 'm getting married.




First of all, I'm really really happy. I have found the absolutely most perfect guy for me. He thinks I'm cute, he doesn't freak out, and he's so honest/trustworthy/chock full of integrity that even I can't be cynical about him. I am not worried about being with him, and only him, for ever.

I don't know how to be this engaged person. I haven't been dreaming about a huge white dress with 6 blushing bridesmaids in matching horrible dresses. We don't have a song, there was no formal proposal, we don't have a church and I don't even like cake.

I get really uncomfortable when we tell people that we are getting married.

It feels like anxiety, or like embarrassment. I feel like I'm blushing and I want to quickly change the subject. I think that I just didn't ever think about being this person, how I would incorporate my feminism, my ideals, my social conscience and innate distrust of the status quo with being "engaged". But I'm figuring it out.


Maggie said...

Hm. Maybe you need to talk to someone with a whole bunch of letters after her name? ;)

I, for one, am five hundred percent thrilled. Make it what you want. You don't have to have a white dress or blushing bridesmaids in horrible dresses. That doesn't make it any less of a big deal. What does your perfect day look like?

JennBott said...

oh I do.. don't worry. She says that in this, like most things, I sabotage my happiness. I never just allow myself to feel happy, proud, content, etc. I always look for the cloud, always wait for the other shoe to drop. Again, I'm working on it.