Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Post-modern bride

So, I 'm getting married.

Yep.

Engaged.

Me.


First of all, I'm really really happy. I have found the absolutely most perfect guy for me. He thinks I'm cute, he doesn't freak out, and he's so honest/trustworthy/chock full of integrity that even I can't be cynical about him. I am not worried about being with him, and only him, for ever.

I don't know how to be this engaged person. I haven't been dreaming about a huge white dress with 6 blushing bridesmaids in matching horrible dresses. We don't have a song, there was no formal proposal, we don't have a church and I don't even like cake.

I get really uncomfortable when we tell people that we are getting married.

It feels like anxiety, or like embarrassment. I feel like I'm blushing and I want to quickly change the subject. I think that I just didn't ever think about being this person, how I would incorporate my feminism, my ideals, my social conscience and innate distrust of the status quo with being "engaged". But I'm figuring it out.

2 comments:

Maggie said...

Hm. Maybe you need to talk to someone with a whole bunch of letters after her name? ;)

I, for one, am five hundred percent thrilled. Make it what you want. You don't have to have a white dress or blushing bridesmaids in horrible dresses. That doesn't make it any less of a big deal. What does your perfect day look like?

JennBott said...

oh I do.. don't worry. She says that in this, like most things, I sabotage my happiness. I never just allow myself to feel happy, proud, content, etc. I always look for the cloud, always wait for the other shoe to drop. Again, I'm working on it.