Wednesday, March 25, 2009


I've been thinking a lot about what I want to write about. I'm a new mom, and there is a ton of material right there. My little one is almost 12 weeks old, I have to go back to work next week, I'm really struggling with my post-baby body, I obsess about food and cooking. These are all blog-fodder.
Do I want to become a Mommy-blogger?
Should I talk about food, recipes, etc.?

Let's talk about nipples.

I have to admit, prior to breastfeeding I didn't give my nipples much thought. Well, sometime in my early twenties, I had one of them pierced. I thought a lot about that one for a while... ouch.
Other than that, not a lot of attention was paid to this part of my anatomy. At least not by me.
Now they have taken center stage! My nipples finally revolted, screaming for the attention that they have obviously been denied for too long.

My nipples are now infected.

Who knew? I sure didn't. I've been breastfeeding my little one since about 10 minutes after she was born. I have never considered not breastfeeding, even during the most painful of circumstances. My right nipple cracked pretty early on, and I've had pain during and between nursing sessions pretty much this whole time. I've seen nurses, lactation consultants, and a midwife. I was told it would get better, that I had a rare condition called Reynaud's, that my baby wasn't latching correctly. Nope. I had an infection. Possibly a kind of staph infection.

Thankfully, this doesn't hurt the baby at all. I am being treated with antibiotics that I may need to be on for 6 weeks or more. The idea that my breasts and nipples may stop hurting has brightened my mood and outlook considerably.... but I'm still pissed. I feel robbed. I really wanted to love breastfeeding, bonding with my infant, providing her with everything she needs...and I do love most of it. There are times when she looks up at me while eating that the look on her face breaks my heart in the best possible way. It's great being the "boob lady" as my husband calls me, because the boobs always work for my baby. I have the exclusive full-proof solution. But our first few months together have been flavored, tainted, by my pain. By this added struggle. And I'm pissed.

I'm going to blame everything on this stupid infection. My failure to lose any weight, my mood swings, my inability to stop eating, mood swings, memory loss, this bum knee, my messy house.

Completely and totally worth it.


Maggie, Dammit said...

I'll say.

I think you have to let go of the dream, just like with anything else, and embrace the reality. There are entire support groups for women whose pregnancy didn't go as they'd planned, etc. This sounds a lot like that.

But there's nothing wrong with anger, either.

That is one cute baby, dude.

Maggie, Dammit said...

(p.s.) Naw, you don't want to become a mommyblogger. ;)